i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
