For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
