True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I supernannyed him into submission
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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