I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
