I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
