there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
