So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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