I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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