He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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