it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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