Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize