Non-Jews are for practice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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