My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
