well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
