guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
nutella sex= disaster
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
