Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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