Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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