I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
