My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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