I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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