He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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