the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
