He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
