All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
