i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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