I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
