She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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