You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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