Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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