I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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