Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
