if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
