Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
