Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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