Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
