Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
