i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
