i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
