Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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