You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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