My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
