they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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