Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
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