I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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