Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
