Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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