there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
