Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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