Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
