imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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