feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
