When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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