i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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