I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
