she looked like the before picture.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
