we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize