You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
