I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
