Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
