just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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