i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
tell me about the fingering
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