And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
