can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
