I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
