she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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