i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
