Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
