Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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