cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
