But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
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