So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
