when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
